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THE GODFATHER

-----A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for
> ten million bucks. The bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an
> > occupational benefit and the reason he got the job in the first
> place.
> > It was assumed that since a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear
> > anything he'd never have to testify in court.
> >
> > When the Godfather goes to shake down the bookkeeper about his
> missing
> > $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign
> language.
> >
> > The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you
> > embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the
> > bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper
> signs
> > back:
> >
> > "I don't know what you're talking about."
>
> > The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what
> you're talking about."
> >
> > That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the
> > bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
> >
> > The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you
> don't tell him!"
> >
> > The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown
> > briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in
> > Queens!"
> >
> > The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
> >
> > The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the
> trigger."

A good one.

Hehe, Indeed

This is not really a joke but I find it hilarious:

Feuer Frei

Hannele wrote:This is not really a joke but I find it hilarious:

Feuer Frei

Try this link instead, way better sound and picture quality, this is more how it supposed to look and sound. One of my favourite videos, so typical german and excellent sound produced by swedish studio wizard Jakob Hellner. I really enjoy when you manage to get such heavy sound as this.

One funny things is, a top movie, the american answer to James Bond, the soundtrack is made by germans, who sings in german. Both ironical and funny when you think of it.

http://www.kewego.de/video/iLyROoaftYR7.html

Christer, dear. The point of my link was lego-guys.

Aha!

I admit that Rammstein have a twisted sense of humour, you can see that in almost all of their videos. Have you seen this one?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... =rammstein

Sense of humour?

Talk about it.

What a nice Schneewittchen.

Just a thought: She was inhaling those gold dust lines. She is also in the original fairy tale a heroine. So heroine is white dust, hence Snow White? Meaning Rammstein dwarfs here are slaves of junkie bitch who is stealing the fruit of their work. And indeed the apple helps her back to life again... but no prince to take her away - back in the mine dwarfs!

he he

Another real funny video, this time with Pig Destroyer. The microphone gets broken early but the singer continues without it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R42Y1bSY0zc

HmmHmph... I'm really sorry C, but this must be guy-fun.... it left me somewhat cold this video...

Guy fun?

I think this video is hillirous

Well, guy fun is better than gay fun, no?

Ever heard of him, the Microsoft guy?

Bill Gay'ts.

Would you Remarry?

Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure. It's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably. It is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No. I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?"

HUSBAND: "Yes. Those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No. She's left-handed. "

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: " . . . sh*t."

This is sooooo bad!


Not Your Mama's Chili...

A young cowboy walks into the town cafe. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

Disgusting!

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"


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At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit please back in."

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On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

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On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**********************
On a Church's Billboard:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

*************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************
At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

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On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

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On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

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At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

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On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

**************************
At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************
At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

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In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

*************************
At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."




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And, last but not least, don't forget this upbeat sign...

At a Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak!"

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in The Madhouse Tavern.

They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"

from Frank Lindahl

SUPERMARKET SURROUND SOUND

The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

And stay away from pharmacy's cold symptom aisle.
Come to think of it, stay away from ANYTHING in the pharmacy department.