TVSF - The Very Special Forum!

Under fire from European governments the U.S. announced today that
instead of secret overseas flights, interrogators are considering a new
contract with Airbus.

"We think it has real possibilities," said an unnamed CIA official, "stand
people up against a wall, strap them to a board, and fly them at 30,000
feet for five hours surrounded by people talking on cell phones. It's way, way ahead of anything we're working on now.

"For the tougher cases we can always slip into a holding pattern over
Chicago. However, our attorneys have advised us that showing Deuce
Bigalow as an in-flight movie would violate the Geneva Conventions."

Larry wrote:Back in the late 90s, I stuck my neck out, and made a prediction that appears to be accurate so far:

"After Bill Clinton finishes his second term as president, he will never, ever be able to get a job as a high school administrator."

A good one.

It would be very interesting to hear your predicition about Bush.

Here's one:

Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel; this is the Promised Land!"

Now Bush Jr. wants to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise the price of your Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land.

Bush Jr. wants to change the Republican Party Emblem from an elephant to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of security while one is being screwed.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

You know what the problem is with political jokes is?
They get elected.

How does Clinton practice safe sex?
He doesn't light the cigar

Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice?
He keeps having to eat his words.


Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty pissed off.

He storms into his security staff's headquaters and yells, "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?"

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"

The entire staff immediately jumped up and raced for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news, and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"

Clinton says, "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."

Clinton says, "Oh my god, I feel so ... so betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. Well, what's the really bad news?"

The officer replies, "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting."

Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill Clinton were recently in a spelling contest.
Unbelievably, Dan Quayle was the winner! He was the only one of the three who knew that "harass" was one word.

When President Bill Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I've never had one."

Similarities between Nixon and Clinton

Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore

Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns

Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek

Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her

Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case

Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: same

Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President

Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"

Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot

Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho

Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.

The President asked for a whisky & soda, and the flight attendant asked Rev. Falwell if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."

NEW YORK

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction."Al Gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said.

"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

Photoshop has giving me plenty of good laughts when using google picture search.