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A Surprising Fact About American Mountain Lions

Did you know that American mountain lions prefer to eat hikers who are
vegetarians? Here's why.

Like all predators, the big cats have radar for weakness of any
kind in a prey animal. For example, if an individual prey animal is
smaller than usual, or if he carelessly allows himself to get
separated form the herd, then the mountain lion will size him up
as an easy meal.

A typical big cat has a reasonably good sense of smell. True,
dogs usually have sharper noses than mountain lions. However
a big cat has a much better sense of smell than a typical human.

Notwithstanding our olfactory limitations, we humans can often
glean a surprising amount of information from smells. Suppose
that you are riding in an elevator with a person who has just
eaten garlic in his lunch. Then that fact will be readily apparent--
unless you have also partaken.

If you are hiking upwind of a mountain lion, the big cat will
immediately know what you have eaten recently. Suppose that
you had a Big Mac before the hike. The mountain lion will reason
in the following way: "I'm impressed. This omnivore has just
killed a cow for breakfast. I'm not going to mess with him!" If a
second hiker walks by, and the big cat smells only tofu, then his
reasoning will be different: "This omnivore is too weak and too
slow to bring down live prey. Should I have white wine with this
meal? Or would the red be better?"

That was interesting to hear, and makes sense...

Remarkable.

One reason to not become vegetarian then................

Harry the Eagle
courtesy of my neighbor, Ethne Smoot

>Did you know that Eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the Eagle
>waited at the nest for Mary his darlin of 10 glorious years.
>He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!
>Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided
>that he must get himself another mate. But he just might like to cross
>the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.
>He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest. The sex was
>OK but all the DOVE would say is I am a DOVE, I want to Love! I am a
>DOVE, I want to love! Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the
>Dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate. He found a
>very sexy LOON and brought her back to the nest, again the sex was
>great, but all the LOON would say is, I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I
>am a LOON, I want to spoon! Egads, out with the LOON.
>Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous
>DUCK, so he brought the DUCK back to the nest. Again the sex was
>great, but all the DUCK would say was...well .... you know .....
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>No ...... the DUCK didn't say THAT!!!!! That's an awful thing to think!!
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>The Duck said, I am a DRAKE, you made a MISTAKE!

Save Fluffy!



Wanna buy a penguin online?

Here's where to shop: Penguin Warehouse



Lucky the guide dog

``We will not have him put down. Lucky is basically a damn good guide dog,'' Ernst Gerber, a dog trainer from Wuppertal told reporters. ``He just needs a little brush-up on some elementary skills, that's all.''

Gerber admitted to the press conference that Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog for the blind, had so far been responsible for the deaths of all four of his previous owners. ``I admit it's not an impressive record on paper. He led his first owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He actually pushed his third owner off a railway platform just as the Cologne to Frankfurt express was approaching and he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, before abandoning him and running away to safety. But, apart from epileptic fits, he has a lovely temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to train these days.''

Asked if Lucky's fifth owner would be told about his previous record, Gerber replied: ``No. It would make them nervous, and would make Lucky nervous. And when Lucky gets nervous he's liable to do something silly.''

PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen sometimes -- a billion-to-one shot, at least."

The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began April 23 when the conscientious zookeeper noticed that his prize, 8,000-pound African elephant didn't seem to be producing his usual poop aplenty. "Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days because he knew that severe constipation can kill an elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt Herrman recalled. "He told me he was going to stay late that Thursday night to treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give him an enema. I offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had everything under control."

Two hours later, horrified night watchman Walter Pleuger found Friedrich lying lifeless under a mound of muck, his body visible only from the knees down. "I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone."

Japanese Trawler Story

According to Reuters, the dazed crew of a Japanese trawler was plucked out of the Sea of Japan earlier this year clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship.

Their rescue was followed by immediate imprisonment once authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. To a man they claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering its hull and sinking the vessel within minutes.

They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield, forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily taken off for home. Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a frightened cow rampaging within the hold. To save the aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30,000 feet.



The birdseed prank

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every
day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten
or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then
walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard
football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle. The game
had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off the field. The guy
wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

A polar bear asks his Mother, ‘Mom, am I a real polar bear?”
“Yes darling, of course you are.” his mother answered.
“Are you SURE I’m a polar bear?”
“Yes dear,” his mother replied, “You are. I am, you sister is, you’re father is, we’re all polar bears.”
“Are you POSITIVE?”
“Yes, yes, for the last time, you’re a polar bear! Why do you keep asking?”
“‘Cause I’m f***ing freezing!”

I haven't heard that one before.

Here's a mountain lion story from The Onion. Link.

A good one. Both ironical, and true.

Sadly, animals seems to be the only intelligent creatures left on this planet.

From a retired person


Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Chance, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out
of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Target won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.